as a child i spent many frightening hours under some man
looked up to them for money to pay moms rent
looked up to them for money to pay for food
looked up to them to beg permission to spit,
or shall i swallow again sir
running away to make my own life better
mom, i just left her there in fretters and tetter
sleeping in alleys under boxes
used to the rapes so that was not the worst
lowlife i was, i know
kick me, fuck me, stick it in me where you like,
spit on me, call me whore, cunt, but please sir,
please pay me
pimp protected property shooting galley slut
worth nothing but to make his rent for the day
nothing ever hurt as much as the look of disgust
on the faces of the women on the bus
kneeling in front at mass,
i was so ashamed
priest refused to put bread in my mouth
but in his pews sat some,
who put stuff in my bum
for the love of jesus im too filthy
but they are just oraait
od'd in a skanky toilet hoping to finally die
but even that i fucked up
looked up, once more that familiar view
looking up at a man
but he cared
fuckinghell!
i did not know what that was
i ran scared
weird shit that feeling
shot up and gathered my shit and went back to him again
he cared
he showed me unconditional positive regard
said it is like love
not me alone, many of us
his wife was an angel, to me he was like a god
i cried in his church
i cried on his shoulder
i cried in her lap
i never cried before that
i learned peace and found myself way out there
teetering on the ledge of despair
brought myself back and worked with her, healed her
she was not the slut i thought
she was just a child, deeply distraught
we were kind to her; him, me and his wife
and the child healed and she grew up,
and we became one
i am still whole
thank god
my blog is dedicated to survivors of this shit that people do to children
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